I’m not a religious person, not really. It was hard growing up and losing religion. I tried to force myself to believe, I thought “fake it til you make it” could apply to religion but you can’t force yourself to feel something that you don’t. It would be like trying to convince yourself you love someone if you don’t. Some things we just can’t control. Regardless, every Easter we go up to New York to visit my aunt who is a nun.
It was nice after I had a bout with C Diff and had been feeling generally awful, things had not improved much at all. Except I had a moon face now thanks to prednisone.
It was really nice. Cold, but nice. I wish I could say it was awe inspiring or amazing or that it was just so grand it filled me with a feeling of something…but honestly it just made me feel small. It gave me a bit a nihilist feel, like I really didn’t matter in the world because it was so big and vast and I was so small and insignificant. It wasn’t a bad feeling necessarily, just not the feeling I expected to get from it. I got to spend it with my friend, Cierra, and my mom and step family.
It was a good time though, even though I was super insecure about how my face looked and I didn’t feel too good. It was just nice. I have a great family all around that I wouldn’t trade the world for.